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Steve Nelson (steve@out-of-control.com)
Sun, 18 Mar 2001 22:05:39 -0700
Tux, Beastie killed in England
Tux the Linux Penguin and Beastie the BSD Demon have been killed as
part of the effort to prevent the spread of Hoof-and-Mouth disease across
England.
Tux and Beastie were on a walking tour of the English countryside
yesterday when the farm they were passing through was quarantined
upon finding Hoof-and-Mouth present in several of the pigs. The English
Minister of Agriculture ordered all animals on the farm destroyed and
burned.
Tux and Beastie were briefly quarantined with the pigs and other animals
on the farm. Reports say that they both protested against being treated
like animals. Agriculture Agents were quick to point out that Tux was a
penguin and thus an animal. He was shot soon thereafter and tossed
onto the pyre.
Beastie presented a better case, "I am not an animal, I am a demon," he
claimed. "I wear shoes, unlike the penguin and most other animals." He
was shot for being an affront to the Church of England and tossed onto
the pyre. Beastie, being from the lower planes of Hell, did not burn, and
Agriculture Agents had to enlist the help of the Church to dispose of the
body with holy water.
"The penguin burned up like a match...", stated Bill Wooden, a local
farm hand, "...especially after we covered him with petrol, but the demon
fizzled the entire evening. I am glad they called in the Church. The way
his body twitched in the fire was creeping me out."
Farmer Bob Haywood, owner of the farm where the events took place,
was greatly upset at the slaughter of his herd of pigs. He also, stated,
"What's Linux? Where did the penguin come from?" David Bryne,
English Sub-Minister of Agriculture for the region, stated: "If Penguins
and Demons are spreading this horrible disease, then they will be dealt
with as necessary!"
Word has spread of underground groups in England and through out the
world of people who are said to worship the Penguin or the Demon.
These groups are socialist in nature, with a "Gift-Culture", and with the
connotation "User Groups", police suspect they may be violent drug
addicts. English police are searching out the groups to see if they are
purposely spreading Hoof-and-Mouth in a drug induced outburst against
society.
Written by Donald Cowart <dcowart@cog.ufl.edu>
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steve@out-of-control.com
We're out-of-control......
We Want You To Be Too!
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The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
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